my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
