M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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