I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
