your room smells of hookers.
And success
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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