If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
