I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
