He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
