So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
