nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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