I wish I only lived at night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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