are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
