I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
