Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is Oprah even human
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
