If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize