Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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