I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
These tits shall not be calmed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
