it was like eating out sand paper
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
