Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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