"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
