My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
