I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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