I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
