She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
