I'm jealous of your bromance
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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