you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
