I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
