I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
