I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
