He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
