I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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