Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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