I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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