We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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