He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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