Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
