it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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