Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize