yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
