Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize