On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
