Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
