No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
