he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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