She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You left your phone here
Wait...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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