mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize