Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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