Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
