I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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