hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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