I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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