So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize