There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
