Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So. Much. Porn.
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