One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
