Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
