Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
