i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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