after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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