I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
