Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
