the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it glows. i had to have it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
