Kiss
Puke
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think my moral compass just broke
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
