you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
