she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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