I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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