I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
