i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
