Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
