Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
