he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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