she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
