respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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