My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
