Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
