I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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