Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
