Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
