youre lurking in front of me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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