You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
