My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
